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How am I today?

What should’ve been a basic walk this morning, turned into personal crisis that left me questioning who I am.

My walk with a friend resulted in an impromptu stop at another friend’s house to try on a bunch of clothes from an upcoming trunk show. The room was filled with racks, not yet ready for public display, as the trunk show was scheduled for the following day. I was visually delighted by the large variety of options I saw scattered around me. Dresses, palazzo pants, and frilly tops everywhere. Now, for those of you know me, you know that my favorite outfit is jeans and a tank top. It's my go to, usually blue denim with a white or black cotton tank. Easy, predictable, comfortable - Done!

Today's clothes couldn't be further from denim and cotton. They were patterned and stylish. They had a bit of an edge and charisma to them. Not what I would have picked off the rack in a store. I was handed different outfits, tried them all on instantly and to my delight, I realize that there is a part of me that really enjoys fashion and style. In fact, I felt very powerful in some of the outfits I tried on. Then came my thoughts. (I hate it when that happens!) Even though I felt very much myself in the clothes, I also felt like a total imposter. I pushed through at that moment but spent the afternoon thinking about the odd sabotage behavior that came up for me.

Why is it that I feel like an imposter? Why is it that I can’t allow myself to feel confident in all versions of myself? The more I though about it, the more I realized that I have created odd little boxes that I felt I needed to live in.

We’ve all heard of the imposter syndrome when it comes to business. I wonder how many of us would use that term in different parts of our personal life. For me, in that moment, it was an outfit that made me feel like I was pretending to be someone I am not, but it could easily extend to other parts of my life.

How many of you are concerned that if someone found out that you took an energy healing group session you would be labeled as woo woo or a little off kilter. Especially those who work in the corporate world. Will you be looked at as less powerful? Less capable to handle the pressures of your job? Will you be looked at as if you're starting to loose it, or maybe already have?

The truth is, our society, familial history and at times ourselves, have pushed us into a definition of ourselves prescribing to just one version of "me." However, in reality, our personalities often don't fit into one box. We are layered and widely spread in our likes, desires and aversions. We gain great empathy and understanding by trying on different personalities, each allowing us to get creative and even childish at times. With that said, my experience is here to remind me and you that it's ok and encouraged to be all the versions of yourself. Because when you surrender to it you realize that you can be the corporate leader and the carpool picker upper and the party animal, and the lazy bum on the couch all wrapped up in one. At least I know I can.

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